Thursday, March 29, 2007

So far...

It turns out that I am going to stay in school this semester after all. Everyone (therapist, hubby and others in the support system) agree that I've come to far, done too well and that it would really screw with my lab partner if I dropped so far into the semester. Also if our study goes well we have a very real chance of getting published and that will only increase my chances of getting into grad school. If I drop it will put my a whole year behind and will only add to my student loans so in school I stay. Lucky for me if have a PA at school my teacher is working on her PhD in clinical counseling and isn't shocked by it. So my life is not completely off track/out of whack. I just need to get these damn panic attacks and nightmares under control.

What I might do to generate a little income so I don't fee like a total lump while I'm getting myself together is start a shop on Etsy ( to sell some of my hand spun yarn and fiber I know I'm never going to spin. So this weekend I'm going to ruthlessly go my stash and see what I have. This is just a thought so don't hold me to it. The name of the game right now is recovery.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Well today was not as bad as I though it would be

I still feel horrible about having to resign but I think I'm going to feel bad about that for a long time. What made the day not so bad was that Hubby brought me home a stunning bouquet of yellow tulips. I'm too tired to drag the camera out but hopefully I'll find some time to take pictures of them tomorrow. O.K. time for bed, hopefully no nightmares.

Yesterday I had the worst panic attack I've ever had in my life!

I'm O.K. now. If you've never had a panic attack be thankful. You shake and feel like you can't breathe. To me it feels like what I imagine dieing is like. I've got something I have to do (can't share what it is right now) but it's important, very important and will be a big change in my life. The ramifications of what I have to do are scaring the hell out of me because I know this decision is going to not just effect me but a lot of other people and not necessarily in the best of ways. I'm going to do what I have to today and once it's done I'll let the rest of the world in on the big secret. Wish me luck.

UPDATE: The big thing I needed to was to give my resignation at The Lamb's Wool. Which I did this morning. I have many reasons for leaving (if you really want to know what they are e-mail me privately and I'll tell you) but suffice it to say that I couldn't do what I need to do keep myself healthy and work and go to school and keep everything together at home. I'm sorry that I had to do it because I know what an awful crunch this is going cause for the owners but it just had to be this way. Betty so was great about it and we left the possibility of my coming back but I told her honestly I can't think that far ahead. I just want to get thru today which may or may not be an easy thing.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

This is after more than an hour of trying to de-tangle my yarn!!!

I am in knitting H-E-double hocky sticks. I didn't follow my own advice to put my yarn in a Yarn Bra or a Zip Top bag to keep it from tangleing. I'm trying not to give into the temptation to just cut the yarn. So I wanted to share my misery and hopefully you'll learn from my mistakes.

Update: after another hour of trying I finally broke out the sissors. I din't loose much and I had to buy 2 or 3 extra balls so I could get the rest of the yarn I needed for this sweater so I'm definitly not going to run short.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

So you must be wondering where I've been

I wish my excuse for not blogging was more intresting than my life just jumped up and bit me in the butt, but I can't. Things that really aren't mine to talk about have been going on at work and been a bit stressfull and upsetting for me. I'm fine and some of the stress has eased out, hense the post, I just could not think about stilling down at the computer when I got home. While I'm only taking one class this semester so that I can be more available to the people at my job I'm still swamped with a lot of reading. I actually have to do work for the experiment that I'll be running. So again more stuff that's kept me from posting. I'm on spring break right now so I've been doing things to sort of recharge my creative batteries. I hacen't been spinning or weaving since before Christmas so no photo's. I have knit a little but nothing is finished so no photo's. The cat's and rat have been what's helped me to stay sane so here is a cute photo that I'm happy to show you. No this isn't photoshoped and yes Mitzvah is still alive. Oby really seems to like the little guy.

I'll post agian soon.